Is He Ghosting You?

Ghosting Meaning

If you are a millennial, you are probably familiar with the term ghosting.  It means that someone just vanished from your life without explanation.  This is becoming all to familiar in the United States and around the world. 

Ghosting is nothing new even though this term started in the 21st century. In the 20th century, ghosting was often referred to as disappearing and dissed me.  Today, ghosting is becoming familiar with people that are dating.

A woman might say, “Is he ghosting me?  I have not heard from him in around a week.  Why is he not calling me?”  Ghosting can be rather painful.  A woman might think in her mind that she is dating a man that seems rather interested in her.  On their first date, he tells her that she is his dream girl.  The man compliments her beauty and pays for an expensive dinner.  However, a week later, he suddenly disappears.  The woman might say, “I can’t believe he just ghosted me.  Did I do something wrong?” 

Many women think that they may be the reason why they got ghosted.  Was it something that you said or did?  How can you avoid being ghosted in the future? 

Ghosting Someone is Unfair?

Many men that ghost women do it because they don’t have the courage to tell her that he is not into her anymore.  Instead of saying, “I don’t think that this relationship is working for me.” He will instead just ghost. Many men feel that ghosting is an easier way to let the woman know that he is not interested in her. After all, he doesn’t have to hurt her with his words. He won’t have to feel bad that he hurt someone that he once cared for. 

However, women that experience ghosting say that its one of the most hurtful actions that a guy can take.  Most women would prefer you to tell them face to face how you feel.  It’s important to not go around ghosting anyone because it leaves the person wondering what went wrong. Sometimes knowing the truth is a lot easier than guessing what could have happened to you.

Fear also sets into the person that is being ghosted. The person might say, “What if my boyfriend got sick?  What if he is hurt and can’t get to a phone? What if he lost my phone number?”  Yes, these kinds of thoughts often run through your mind. Especially because you remember that you were talking to one another fine the last time that you spoke.  Now suddenly, he just vanished into thin air. 

Ghosting people should be avoided at all costs. Women that get ghosted say that its 100% more painful to be ghosted then just hearing that he doesn’t want to be with you. Most women feel that they can take it if the guy doesn’t feel the connection any longer.  However, in almost all cases of ghosting, women often feel that the unknown of why the guy ditched them is more devastating.

How to Avoid Being Ghosted

You cannot always avoid being ghosted. However, here are a few tips on how you can see a ghosting encounter coming. 

  • He is not calling you back when he is calling you.  He may say that he has been busy the next time that you talk and can’t be bothered.  His next step is most likely going to be a complete ghost. 
  • You feel that he is not interested in you because he only wants to see you occasionally.  Usually, the next stage after that is ghosting.
  • You feel that you must keep on chasing him down. After this, he will usually just ghost you. 
  • He has blocked you on all social media. He simply tells you that its because of he doesn’t want any of his friends and family to ask who you are. He is trying to keep prying eyes off people asking him questions about you.  The next stage after that is usually ghosting you completely.
  • He asks you to please not text him so much. He is feeling like you are married, and he only wants to be dating.  He feels smothered. The next stage after that is usually ghosting. 

Are You Getting Ghosted Because of Your Excessive Texting?

Believe it or not, men and women think differently about communication.  Nearly 90% of all men feel that they would rather be the one chasing the woman then have her chasing him.  Most guys prefer not to be texted unless he is texting you first. 

Most men say that you should not text him more than once a day.  He usually doesn’t want to hear about your nails getting done or that you are at the grocery store.  Most men feel like you are “blowing up their phone” when they must keep on looking at their cell phone because they keep on getting dings that you are texting them.  Most guys feel that it’s a bit much.  They often prefer having space until he sees you again. 

Most relationships are destroyed today because of excessive texting.  To ghost someone often means that the other person is tired of you for one reason or another.  Many women say that they text their boyfriend a lot because they are lonely and are looking for companionship.  However, its important to not think of him as a girlfriend.  Men often prefer putting their time and effort into their careers and hobbies. They often don’t like to talk because their brain thinks differently than a woman’s does. 

One of the best books for a woman to read if she keeps on getting ghosted is, “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man” by Steve Harvey.  Another Great book is, “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” by John Gray.  These books will give you a good idea as to why and how men and women think differently. 

Here is a good method to follow:

If you text him and he is not texting you back, don’t text him again. Showing someone respect and love has a lot to do with you and how you proceed.  If he is not texting you back, then it means that he doesn’t want to be bothered right now.

If you leave him alone, there is a good chance that he will text you again when he feels ready to.  When he does this, you will probably feel better that you waited.  After all, nobody wants to feel like they are hounding someone.  Nobody wants to feel that they are a pest.  Most men today often feel smothered by someone texting them to much. 

To a man, excessive texting means nagging. It is the same thing as a mother might feel when her child says, “Mommy, can I have a cookie? Mommy, can I have a cookie?  Mommy, can I have a cookie?  Mommy, can I have a cookie?”  Not only is it annoying to have someone nagging you, but you don’t want to feel like you are forced to do something.

Is Controlling Ways Causing Him to Ghost You?

In many romantic relationships, men feel like their girlfriends are trying to control them.  Sometimes, when a woman doesn’t get her way, she tries to force her boyfriend into calling/texting her when she wants it to happen.  Most men will witness her screaming at him or trying to force him to do what she wants him to do.  This is often hard for the man to absorb for more reasons than one. 

Men don’t like to be or feel like someone is trying to control them. For starters, men are built with an inborn desire to lead and to take control of the relationship.  He will often tell you that he wants to be the one in control.  He wants to be the one that will tell you how he feels and open to you when he feels that the timing is right.

If you try to control him, he will often think of you as being mean, controlling or a bi***.  Yes, he may have even called you this before. You don’t want to get to a point where name calling is being used.  This often means that the man is about ready to ghost you for good.  Once a man reaches a point where he feels that ghosting is necessary, it means that he has given up on you. He has decided that pushing you out of his life is a lot better than keeping you in his life. 

Men that ghost women often do so because it’s the easy way out.  They don’t have to live with the pain of knowing that they hurt someone.  Ghosting you simply means that he decided not to talk to you. The man will often feel that you can draw your own conclusion as to why he ghosted you.  He often thinks that you can take it any way that you like.  He will much rather see you wondering about why you have been ghosted than to confront you with how he feels. 

My Boyfriend Ghosted Me: Should You Track Him Down?

When you get ghosted, you may wonder if you should track him down or not. Should you look for the guy on social media or knock on his door if he is not responding to you any longer? 

This question has been asked by many women that have been ghosted and the scenarios have been a bit different each time.  A client of mine was a woman that got ghosted by her boyfriend.  I will call her name Sally.  Sally was in a 2-month long relationship with her boyfriend Chris.  Chris would often text her daily and they would see each other usually on the weekends when they were off from work.  However, one day, he just stopped for no reason whatsoever.  He simply vanished. 

Sally was upset.  She was blocked on social media, his cell phone and when Sally reached out to his friends, they said that they haven’t heard anything from him. She was worried that something might have happened to him.

Within a couple days after his ghosting, she heard back from one of his friends that he was with another woman. His friend said that he was posting pictures of the two of them on his social media. 

Sally was infuriated when she heard this and decided to go over to his apartment. When she knocked on the door, Chris answered.  He had a look of anger in his face. Sally was upset and said to him, “Can I come in?” Chris said no!  He said that he didn’t want to talk to her, and she should go? She said to Chris, “How could you do this to me? We were dating and were fine.  Suddenly, you decide not to text or call me anymore? What is the problem?”  Chris gave no explanation. He only told her that if she didn’t leave, he would call the police. He then slammed the door in her face.

In this incident, Sally didn’t even see the ghosting coming. However, she could have gotten herself arrested if things got more heated. You never want to put yourself in a vulnerable position where you could get yourself arrested or be accused of stalking. 

It is often best to leave your ghost behind you.  If he is not calling or texting you back, just assume that he kicked you to the curb and move on. Nobody likes to be ghosted. However, when you are, its going to be obvious that the other person doesn’t want to be together with you.  Its easier to say, “He is not into me.” Who cares what the reason is?  He just doesn’t want to be together with you and its best to say goodbye as well. 

Perhaps you did something wrong and maybe you didn’t.  However, it doesn’t matter.  The fact that someone is ghosting you means that they have decided that you are no longer worth their time.  They have decided to just move on. If faith brings the two of you back together, then you can talk about it. However, don’t go chasing after your ghost. It usually spells TROUBLE for you.   

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