A common problem for many newlyweds is the mother in law. Women often feel that they are the target of their mother in laws verbal abuse behind their back. What can you do when you know that your mother in law is trashing you behind your back to your husband? Its his mother and you can’t understand why she doesn’t like you. However, she wants to make your life a living hell.
For starters, realize that you are not powerless against her. Your husband married you for a reason because he loves you. It’s important to first tell your husband that you are aware of her actions and don’t like it. It will be hard for your husband to put his mother in her place. It is true that 50% of men will confront their mother’s abusive behavior and the other 50% will always make excuses for her and say that she is not as bad as you are making her out to be. Instead of going down that road of making your husband talk to her, here are a few tips to make your life easier.
#1 Never try to please her. Be yourself and do things the way in which you believe they should be done regardless of what she says.
#2 Realize that she will be in your life forever. Yes, until the day that she dies. Keep your distance from her and never tell her what is happening in your life. Just say hello and goodbye to her. A little friendly chit chat about movies that you are watching will also do some good. The less that you tell her, the better. In this way, she will have less to criticize you about.
#3 It’s important to know that most men don’t have the strength to stand up to their mothers these days. The reason is because around 60.9% of men were raised in homes without fathers. Most men feel that their mother was the person there for them growing up and they have become her husband. He has watched her being alone for many years and she has made it clear to him that whatever she says goes.
#4 His mother has put him on guilt trips for many years when she feels that he is unhappy with her. She has made it clear that its not okay for him to side with another woman over her. It will be hard to make him change that. Know that your husband feels that he has a love for her that is strong as his love for you. It’s a different kind of love, but its love.
#5 Your mother in law will always believe that her way is the best way. You can’t change her. Don’t even try. Only keep doing what you feel is right. If she comes into your home and wants to take over the house, make sure that you live at least 100 miles away from her. This is not a joke. You may find that a long commute to your job is much easier than dealing with his mother coming to your house often and taking over your home.
If you think that staying around and fighting with your husband about his mother coming over and taking over the home, it will only put a wedge in your marriage. Take my advice. Move as far away from her as you possibly can. If possible, move to another state.
We live in a society today where respect has gone downhill for the most part. If you try to confront your mother in law about what she is doing, she will only complain about you to her son. It will put your husband in a weird place.
#6 Your mother in law is jealous of you. You took her son away and you have now become her enemy. Join the club. You can never make her think that you are not taking him away. He now prefers to spend most of his time with you and not her. She is now lonelier than she was before and thinks that its your fault. Don’t make the mistake of trying to get her to like you. She will want to take control over you if you do that. Remember, do things your way and don’t let her take over your life.
You Are Her Worst Nightmare
You are probably a sweet person with a lot of love to give. However, your mother in law gossips about you to her whole family. She puts you down and makes you feel awkward when you are around the family for occasions. Know that this will never stop. Don’t mention this to your husband. He will most likely only deny it and defend his mother’s actions.
He knows who she really is but is afraid to tell her how he really feels. Yes, many men today are mamas’ boys and trying to change your husband won’t work. You will often only fight with him. Instead, keep the peace and know in your heart who she really is. Accept that your family is with your husband, children, your side of the family and some friends. Don’t think that you can bring everyone together to be merry. It is not going to happen. Just trying to save you years of pain and suffering. Accept that she can’t stand you and don’t worry about her opinion is of you. Your husband loves you more than you will ever know and sometimes, things are better left not spoken about. Just talk to the millions of women in the world today that tried to “duke” it out with their husbands over their mother in law. Yes, his mother costed them their marriage because he refused to change and stand up for her.
Never be a people pleaser. This is an area of your life that you need to overcome. Start saying to yourself, “Who cares what his mother thinks of me. I know who I am and so does my husband.” Learn how to let what she says about you to go in one ear and out the other. After all, you will never win an argument against her. She will always be right. Stand up for yourself and say, “I will be happy today with doing what is best for me.”
What to Do When Your Mother in Law Hates You?
When your mother in law hates you, she will often write you off forever. She is often hating you because you have replaced her. You are probably not mistreating her son or else he would be leaving you and then you wouldn’t have to worry about your mother in law. You need to follow your own heart and see that you can take matters to a whole new level inside of your heart.
Your mother in law is trying to do everything that she can do in order to make you look bad. Her agenda is to see you suffering at her mercy. She wants her son to see that you are not the person that you claim to be. She wants him to see you as a bad person. You can’t change her mind, so you only must tell her son how much you adore him. In this way, he will see you as being a loving person. No matter what his mother tries to throw at him, he will tell her that he loves you.
Men are often afraid of losing their mothers. Believe it nor not, many mothers today write off their children if they don’t have their way with them. They will often cut them off from the rest of the family and try to make their sons life a living hell because they didn’t get their way. Deep down inside of your man’s heart, he knows that he can lose his entire family due to her controlling ways. It’s important for him to keep the peace and try to please her as much as possible. It makes it hard on many women because your mother in law is trying to sabotage your relationship. However, you can win by just ignoring her for the most part.
Mother in Law Loves Me, but is Jealous When I am Around Her Son
Have you ever been able to hang around your mother in law when your man is not around? You can go shopping with her and she always says that he loves you. However, when her son is around, she becomes a different person. She starts throwing jealous rage your way and goes into silent treatment to show you that she is not happy with you taking her sons time away from her.
She will give you the message silently that you have replaced her. That becomes her worst nightmare. Mothers often hate losing their sons to their girlfriends and wives. She is often out to get you and wants to find out as much dirt on you as she possibly can. Be sure that she is going to tell your man all the stuff that you told her in confidence. That is her weapon to use against you. Once he is gone, she will go back to saying that she loves you.
No matter what you do, your mother in law will show you that she has two sides to her that are very different. On one side, she tries to be nice, but on the other side, she becomes vicious. It’s important to never get to close to her. She may act like she loves you, but in return, she is trying to keep you close so that she can attack you later. Therefore, the saying goes, “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer”.
Miserable Mother in Law
Is your mother in law miserable? Is she constantly being mean and yet getting unconditional love from her son? That is a hard situation to be in. Many mothers in laws are simply lonely, angry, fed up with life and wants everyone around them to know it. Their sons are not blind to their ways. However, they tend to not say anything because they don’t want her to be offended. Instead, you must try and always be the one to cheer her up. If she is married, she often goes around bashing her husband and saying everything that he does wrong. If you correct her, she will only throw her shade at you and make you feel that you are bad.
It’s important to keep away from a woman such as this. She will only make your life a living hell. You can’t make her happy. The only thing that will make her happy is if she can turn back the clock and have her son living in the bedroom next to hers and her controlling his every move before he was eighteen years of age. Yes, many mothers today are like this and you can’t change them. Since she trashes everyone else around her, she often figures that its good for her to trash you as well. You don’t have to be her punching bag. Simply get out of the room when she is around. If you must eat dinner with her to please your man, do it and leave the room. Don’t stick around for her misery. As they say, “misery loves company.”
How Should a Daughter in Law Behave?
The daughter in law should behave nicely. You are not like your mother in law, so try to be the better person by not fighting with her. She only wants to try and make you feel bad because she is unhappy. You don’t have to play her games. Don’t fall into the trap of fighting with her because she doesn’t like something that you are doing at home. Perhaps she thinks that you should be barefoot and pregnant and cooking for her son. However, you are more of a worker and spend your time outside of the home. You want to make a life for yourself and in the 21st century, you can do that. You need not to fall into her many games. Simply smile when you see her and ask her how her day was. If she wants to have you in her life, she will set the invite. Otherwise, she will be doing her own thing. It’s always best to show her that your car about her and that you would give anything to be together with her in different ways. It’s important to have someone on your side. For the most part, most people want to have everything that you need in life.
How to Survive Living with Your Mother in Law
From day one, its important to learn about compromise. This is one of the hardest things to have to do with your mother in law. You can’t have a house in chaos. If your mother in law is living in your home or the other way around, its important for her to see that you have the bigger say to what happens in the home. What do I mean by this? Show her that you need to have certain things in certain places or its simply not a home to you. Don’t try to please her every craving. Show her that in the house, somethings will work her way and other things will be your way.
Also, try to plan to live on your own and away from her. Sometimes it’s better to live in a cheap apartment somewhere then to live under the same roof as her. You need to talk to your man and tell him that this situation will not last forever and give him a time limit as to when you two must leave. Tell him that its not okay for his mother to be living with the two of you forever or you with her. It’s not healthy for the relationship and you will often feel that its challenging at the same time.
If your man loves you, he will see your point and see that the arrangement is not working for you. Try to stay clear of your mother in law. If you keep busy long enough, you will find that the time will go through a lot more smoothly. Always go after what you want and never let your man convince you that living with his mother in law is the only option. If you do that then you will never be happy. Remember, its all about compromise to make it work.
You will never get her to believe that your ways of living are better than hers. However, you can demand that she does things halfway to meet you. If you don’t do that and just do whatever she says, she will feel that you are in complete control. You have a lot to offer her and it’s a good thing that you give her a lot of inner peace because you are willing to work with her.
Your mother in law is used to having her way with everything because her son makes her feel powerful. However, you are the woman in the house that must also take a stand for herself. It’s the only way to keep inner peace and harmony.